Immersion aches and pains

So I just finished part one of my three part Anusara Immersion...wow! I haven't been this sore in a while. Desire interviewed me today on camera and I blamed my soreness on muscular energy=) If you don't know what that is you will certainly be learning more about it in my classes. I am a fast learner and I love to kind of seal my learnings by teaching it soon after.

Another question Desire asked was what I was taking away from this weekend. I talked about these constitutions called "gunas" and how learning about them really made me think. So as there are three "A's" in Anusara (attitude, alignment and action) and three doshas in ayurveda, there are three gunas. The "tamas" (sp?) gunas is the most dense, inert constitution. That applies to those who prefer restorative flow, are more still, patient, steadfast. Then there is the "rajas" gunas which is the action. These are the people who go all the time, the coffee drinkers, the hot flow fanatics. Finally there is the "sattvas" gunas which is the light. This is ultimately the balanced state for which we strive.

Maybe that was more information than you needed but in order to explain my feelings about the subject, I felt a little background was necessary. So immediately upon hearing something like this, one usually begins some self introspection, right? I certainly did. Also, once I felt I had "diagnosed" myself, I immediately began to think about how could I "fix" myself?

That's when I heard something really great. Somebody mentioned how this process was about knowing oneself better and perhaps working towards a sattvic balance but at the same time, shouldn't we also be loving towards ourselves not always being a home improvement project? What a relief! Just when I was about to make a plan to bring out my rajas side (more pleasing to the western world) and reduce the tamas.

I realized my haste to want to be ok and immediately noticed that I do this not only throughout classes, this immersion, etc., but in all facets of my life. Why do I need someone else to tell me that I'm ok?

So if you are reading this and plan to come to my class this week, I do of course plan to share about these gunas in class (maybe not too technically though) but my real message has to do with compassion for ourselves.

Expectations...

I've been thinking a lot about expectations this week. Personally I had a lot of expectations in the past couple weeks with friends visiting, plans, etc. Unfortunately a lot of those expectations were not met. Well, at least I felt unfortunate about it. Now as I'm past those events, I'm reflecting on them in a more yogic way. I know better than to place such value as my happiness solely on these events when I also know that the universe has it's own agenda. And whether you believe that these things happen for a reason or that the general rule is random chaos, it's very unlikely that things will go exactly as planned.

This is what I practice on my mat and teach in my classes. How could I be so foolish in my personal life? Oh right, because I'm human. I guess it didn't help that I didn't get much practice in during this time. It must be time to head back to my mat and practice some asana with no expectations. So many times I have come into a parsva konasana thinking "ok get ready for the crunch in my hip, the burn in my quad". Sometimes it appears as I expected. Other times, I am shocked to discover how open and strong I am.

I see this in my students too. I see the doubt in their eyes when I demonstrate a pose beforehand. Yeah she can do that because she must have been a gymnast in her previous life (I imagine them thinking). Sometimes they are completely founded in their doubt as they are not yet ready for that particular pose and we modify. Other times (some of my favorites, I'll admit) are when I bring someone into a pose for the first time and their expression goes from fear and doubt to amazement. Definitely one of the reasons I teach=)

I don't really like morals or happy endings and I definitely don't want this blog to be like that. I guess these are more like lessons that I myself am learning along with teaching. Coming to our mat is a practice for our body, mind and spirit. One of these practices is letting go of expectations. For whatever reason, these expectations are often not met, instead falling short or exceeding. But if our bodies and minds are aligned with the desires of the spirit then we are free to progress with grace, no longer weathering such highs and lows. From what I've studied and been taught, this is the final limb of yoga, samadhi.

First official post...

So my goal was to start officially blogging by August 1st. I almost made it=) I think one of the reasons it took me so long is that I had some self doubt about would anyone actually read it. Or if they did, would they really care what I had to say? I know I have had that attitude about blogging, social networking, etc. I always figured if anybody really was interested, they would go to the trouble of actually meeting me in person. That's what I do. However, in this world today, that isn't always feasible. So I'm coming around...

I do want to thank those that inspired me to include others on my yoga journey. I admire and respect you all as teachers and my friends. It can be kind of scary for me to put myself out here like this and I needed that support.

I planned to blog about my inspirations for the classes I teach each week. Usually I like to incorporate whatever has inspired me recently and pass on that knowledge. Sometimes my inspirations don't come until shortly before my first class of the week though so I'm not rushing it. I like to let it come to me naturally, not forced. So I'm not really sure what I am going to teach this week yet but I will share a little of what I have been thinking.

I talked about looking for the "good" last week and I really thought a lot about it. I actually find it fairly easy to find good in asana, even in those poses that I struggle with. But it's so much harder to take that practice and apply it to my life. Where is the intrinsic goodness in issues of the environment, dramas in relationships, etc.? The anusara method teaches that it all falls in a continuum versus a duality. So it doesn't discount the darkness but does acknowledge less light. That is one of the aspects that I appreciate about the method. It gives room for shades of gray as I also don't believe in black and white.

Well my goal is to blog once a week so I hope any readers will hold me accountable. It will be more challenging once I start teaching again (4th grade in addition to my normal yoga classes) but I really want to do it. Hopefully I'll get better at it as I go=)