Feedback

I got an email today from one of the teachers at one of the studios I teach. She was giving some awesome general feedback to the group. At first though, I had my usual reaction of being upset that it might be me and then my next typical reaction of "oh no that's not me, I do that all the time so she must be talking about everyone else". After I got through all that drama in my head, I finally stepped back and noticed my reaction. As mentioned before, this is a typical reaction to feedback. I have always been a pleaser even as a girl. I never needed much punishment other than my family telling me I had disappointed them because immediately I would burst into tears. This was punishment enough.

As I got older, I continued pleasing with good grades and behavior. My teachers loved me! Anytime I had any drama though it was because THEY were wrong. Then I started teaching yoga. In this community we are big on feedback because it is a great way to grow. I have struggled with it as I took everything personally and either got really down on myself or the person giving the feedback. And it continues today still in my teaching (both yoga and school), relationships, etc.

I think yoga was the first place that I picked up on my reaction though. Baron gave us some guidelines on giving and receiving feedback. For receiving, we were not to respond, just take it in and ponder, then decide what to keep and what to leave. I was astonished - I could leave something? What a concept...

Now I am reading Christina Sell's book Yoga From the Inside Out. I haven't made it far yet but already she speaks to this side of me. This side that believes all the negative or gets angry at the source of the feedback. Why can't I just process, then take it or leave it? Actually I am getting better at it each time I practice. And just noticing this, I believe is a first step.

So how about you? Anybody else respond to feedback in this way? If so, I highly recommend Christina's book and Baron's receiving instructions. Their words have guided me a great deal.