Growth and Courage

Oh no, I'm late! Yes, it's already Saturday and of course my goal was to post each Wednesday. But truly, my goal is to post each week so I think this still counts=) However, I knew this week would be hard with school starting and all. What I didn't count on was all the other drama. A broken relationship and an unexpected financial hardship complicated my already expected to be complicated, first week of school. And so, I clung to yoga.

I took an awesome class from Sam, my friend and co-trainee, that spoke directly to me in this time of need. She reminded us that in order to grow, there must be discomfort. Of course! Nobody graduates from college without losing some sleep, working harder than they ever have, etc. Nobody builds muscles without first tearing them down causing some soreness. And nobody grows spiritually without first unearthing some of the dark lurking beneath the surface to face it head on. So I worked hard in that class, practicing for my real life that I would return to shortly after.

My theme for the class I taught this week was courage. This has taken a lot of courage to deal with these issues and continue on with working, practicing, living. Had I not had yoga, I would have probably just crawled into a little hole, never to return. And so I asked my students to have courage to face poses that they perhaps did not want to face, as I have asked myself to do this week.

And change is happening. In the long run, it will be very good for me. I am at a growth spurt point. So I am working through these growing pains with courage, looking forward to what's ahead. Thanks so much for everyone's support! You all have helped so much.

Back to school...

So I made the transition...back to the real world. Back to getting up early, working all day, being tired and still trying to keep up with the rest of my life. And here I am! Blogging at 9:21pm on Wednesday. Perhaps a small accomplishment, but one of which I am still proud.

I have also got my practice in this week which is one of the reasons I am so late. I took my friend and co-trainee, Sam's class tonight. It was fabulous. She spoke a lot about kula, community and how great we have it here in Austin. We really have a lot of support which makes it easier for me to take on these tough challenges. I was able to do Eka Pada Urdhva Dhanurasana even after climbing up my walls today, getting my room ready for the kiddos!

Sam also spoke about being grateful for this support and that really hit home for me. I am truly grateful and need to keep reminding myself of this when times get hard. So thank you to all of you who support me even when I don't have my stuff together.

This week I am talking about raja in my classes. How we can bring a sense of royalty or nobility to our poses. Of course Monday night it was a royal mess due to the intense heat and humidity. But we're past that now, well, not the heat and humidity, just the class. Hopefully Saturday will go better...

Goodness

So I had a great weekend of training and birthday celebration! My training really renewed my faith in my inner goodness. It's funny how we can let ourselves get down about things reacting to others. I am way too susceptible to this and have been really trying to observe it in myself. I think that is why I was drawn to Anusara. The idea that we already have the inner goodness, that we don't have to "be" good because we already are good is soothing. All we have to do is recognize this goodness.

Part of this is also recognizing the good in others. When somebody says or does something that causes me to react negatively, doubt my goodness, I tend to doubt theirs as well. And yet our philosphy tells us this in all of us. And my doubt stems from the supreme's veils in order to play that cosmic game of hide and seek. Understanding that in my head is easy, in my heart is much more difficult.

But I will continue. I start back to school next week and I admit I am a bit nervous. I am proud of my accomplishments over the summer - my practice, my health, this blog, etc. I worry that going back to so much activity and responsibility will overwhelm me again and these accomplishments will fall by the wayside as they did last year. So I cling to this notion that I do not have to "be" good. That if I recognize my goodness I can continue.

To the goodness in all of you who read and support me...namaste.

Empowered!

Before I get to my discussion on empowerment, I have to address a question one of my students asked me. He asked about the origins of the word Anusara. I half answered with what I remembered from training but I had to admit that I had forgotten the entire story. So here it is...

(from the Anusara website) JF: My friend Dr. Douglas Brooks was reading a Tantric scripture called the Kulanarva Tantra and, within this scripture there were some verses that alluded to stepping into the flow of spirit and grace in ways that the student would be able to fully experience the blessings of the guru principle. The flowing-of-grace concept came from the word anusarena, or anusara...

There's more and I highly recommend looking it up and reading it for yourself. It's always empowering to learn more information. This is what I'm talking about in class this week. I thought it was fitting especially since I am subbing so much at Empower Yoga this week=)

Empowering someone means giving someone the ability to do something. We empower ourselves by learning to do something by listening to both our internal and external teachers. In the first line of our invocation we honor these teachers. Om Namah Shivaya Gurave - I honor the essence of Being, the Auspicious One, the luminous Teacher within and without.

I honor my teachers who have taught me not only some incredible asana that I never thought I could achieve on my own, but also and maybe more importantly, how to continue in my studies of asana and spirituality. I feel so empowered after studying with them. I look forward to more knowledge as I enter into another teacher training weekend.